14ymedio, Conde Zika Dengue, Miami, September 22nd, 2019 — The media continue their fable about what have been called “sonic” or “acoustic” attacks. This time with the version of a group of Canadian scientists who apparently have discovered an efficiently operating secret team of exterminators working for the Cuban intelligence, employed in the area where the Canadian and North American diplomats in Havana live.
The new script of the sonic attack saga makes out that the diplomats were, in fact, affected by the dilligent activities of a team of undercover ninjas protecting them from mosquito bites. The mission was carried out with such perseverance and care that they overdid the dosage of pesticide used in their mission to protect the diplomatic corps.
It is noteworthy that the rest of the diplomatic corps stationed in the country did not suffer from the ninjas’ excessive care, nor did the 11 million Cubans living on the island. The mission was so successful that the protagonists were rewarded with an international assignment to China to continue their protection activities. They were also successful on that occasion, as they managed to wind up more than a dozen US diplomats, utilising such sophisticated and intriguing methods that they avoided being discovered.
The US diplomats stationed in Beijing, after being supposedly fumigated against Carribean mosquitos, complained of symptoms similar to those presented by their colleagues in Havana. Doubtless, this was the decisive evidence which guaranteed the high praise awarded by Havana to their valiant and efficient fumigator ninjas. They were all awared the “Silver Mosquito” medal, presented in person by the head of the National Security Commission, better known as the One-eyed Dumbass, having unfortunately lost an eye playing quimbumbia (a kind of Cuban bat-and-ball game, where the ball is cigar-shaped, and whoever hits it furthest wins).
Without doubt, the medals were deserved. The “study” arranged by donors and supporters of a team of multidisciplinary investigators in Halifax, associated with the Brain Repair Centre, the University of Dalhiousie, and the Health Authority in Nova Scotia, was more creative than was expected by the passive Cuban scientists, who held to the simplistic siren song explanation of the causes of the previously inexplicable sonic attacks.
The crazy Canadian explanation, concocted by foreigners with more sophistication than the grotesque account of the brave Cuban scientists, nevertheless made a real mess-up in leaving out the 11 million possible guinea pigs who, for decades, and in all the cities in Cuba, have been subject to energetic fumigation campaigns against the nasty aedes aegypti mosquito, which has resulted today in the majority of the country’s hospitals being packed out with patients.
But, the surprising thing is that if the fumigation affected the diplomats’ brains, the effect on the fumigated Cubans was to make them emigrate. The little rafts are no longer sufficient for crossing the Straits of Florida. The funniest thing is that the migratory epidemic caused by the said fumigations not only affects the young people who feel they have no future on the accursed island. It has also affected kids and old people who have preferred to flee rather than continue to be fumigated. Ironically it was the mosquitos who decided to stay and now live everywhere.
Meanwhile, the top brass of the Cuban Communist Party octogenarian ayatollahs have been summoned by the current president to review the sophisticated and successful fumigation processes, to try to avoid any further damage. One thing is for certain, that the days are numbered for the total hash cooked up by the people directed by the One-eyed Dumbass, along with their “Silver Mosquito” trophy as well.
Translated by GH
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