In Darkness and Safety / Lilianne Ruíz

I have to act very small, if my blog has given me a gift, it is to express myself. Everything I’ve lived, everything I’ve read are short-circuited and for the first time I see who I am. I am an heiress, that’s fair. But I from this inheritance I emerge at the beginning, for a long time I planted my roots in the face of the abyss, and it’s marvelous. Since then, I’ve searched in sex, friendship, reading, motherhood, the Gospels, poetry, psychoanalysis, fairy tales. Not in that order, the order is always alternating. In the Gospels and in motherhood, in me, for sure.

Recently, many of my friends, and others I don’t know, have written about the imminent visit of the Vatican Head of State to Cuba, but the problem is the majority of them are atheists. Supposedly Ratzinger is the custodian of that charge Paul left to Timothy. Only supposedly. My friend Felix, Baptist pastor, is right, you don’t need an intermediary to communicate with the living Christ, who with his sacrifice gave us a gift that everything indicated was not previously possessed in such fullness.

I would expect a libertarian speech from Ratzinger. But this would be if the Pope himself broke the causality this is predetermined. We don’t need it. I don’t need it. I need to have read St. John of the Cross for my heart to know that when the powers of the soul are darkened — as is said in the baroque — understanding, memory and will, my faith in the person of Jesus Christ is more certain.

I don’t want to be a beginner, so to speak of recompense as I once used to do, thinking of miracles and gardens of Eden, it seems to me now, to this Lili of 35, bait for children. It’s true that I trust in his protection for what I love most. In the salvation knowing all that this implies and the full healing of all my wounds.

But there is something higher to see and it is to steep myself in the love of his person with the faith of a lover who knows she is loved. When I am: In darkness and safety. By the secret ladder, disguised. Now it makes sense and is thanks to my 35 years and my blog. One is like a pot where we cook everything we go out and get in the street. I am going to burn in this love. And to do knowing that the world, the flesh, and the devil are the enemies of my soul, and that these three words are closer and more straightforward than usually believed.

To see them close supposes being in some place where I feel planted. This is my dark night. And for some reason that God knows better than I do, I consider the situation that affects the spirit of Cubans today not as merely a political situation, but as a question similar to that which faced the early Christians. I am going to stay in my cave and from there I will take Freedom. I will not do it, I will ask God to do it. It won’t fail.

In addition, and more subject to temporal space, Sunday I will try not to oversleep and to go to Mass, and I will ask my Mother of Cruces and Manacas, the most beautiful and good guajira in the world, that for reasons of discretion she not write her name in my blog, and ask Father Uña for that book of St. John of the Cross what is the log of his navigation through these same waters that, after that unavoidable pledge, you have to traverse to pronounce the keys of love, which inevitably will bring the liberation and clarify who are those crushed and who are those who crush them. To free the oppressed and imprison the guilty.

No one confuses Ratzinger for Christ, Christ is for everyone.

March 29 2012